When a man (or woman) says “I don’t want drama,” he is essentially saying, “I am terrified of feeling out of control, and I cannot be with anyone who feels feelings or acts in ways that are beyond my current capacity to feel or simply outside my tiny stress-free comfort zone.”
No man can truly be King until he is willing to take responsibility not just for himself, but for the entire world around him. Until then, he might get rich, but all he’ll have is money.
I recently led a 2-day private coaching intensive for a well-intentioned couple who had ignorantly, innocently, conspired together for years to create a tragic mess of love.
There’s a terrible phenomenon that destroys otherwise good relationships. I call it the “Relationship Death Gap.”
No one ever taught me how to “be in my heart” (or what that even means). My relationships have often suffered horribly as a result. Like most men (many women, too) I’ve been conditioned to live in my head, to use my brain to solve any problem that presents itself.
Woman, I know you have been hearing for a lifetime that you’re too much, too needy, too loud, too opinionated, too demanding, too happy, too sad, too large, too emotional, too expressive, too whatever. So you learned to shrink yourself in countless ways.
♦◊♦ Are you fed up with NOT being enthusiastically chosen every day in your intimate relationship? Since “Choose Her Every Day (or Leave Her)” went viral in 2015, I’ve heard from countless disheartened women (and men) all over the world about their painful experiences with intimate partners who aren’t very enthusiastic about “doing relationship” with them. I was surprised to
♦◊♦ “I care about your feelings.” My partner once texted me those words shortly after an argument. When I saw her text, my first thought was … “Why? … I don’t even care about my feelings. … Anyway, everything is fine, I’ll be fine.” As I watched myself dismiss my own feelings (I wasn’t really
♦◊♦ Throughout my adult life, no woman ever broke up with me that I didn’t want or even subtly encourage to leave. Nope. I was the one who ended intimate relationships. I see now I was also the one who never fully showed up for those relationships. But I only finally realized this after a woman
♦◊♦ (note: this happens in all relationships, straight or otherwise. It’s actually a masculine-feminine dynamic, not a man-woman dynamic.) I’ve discovered a tragic cycle in intimacy: WOMAN routinely lets man know he’s “not enough” (doesn’t feel enough; not emotional enough; not expressive enough; often combined with he can’t get it/do it right). Having no idea how to please her,