I spent 5 years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her. She was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. Waking up every morning with her snuggled in my arms was my happy place. I loved her wildly.
But every day, for five years, I chose her a little less. Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left her alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of our intimate relationship. I stayed. I just stopped choosing her.
We both suffered.
I realize now that she was often angry because she didn't feel safe with me. She felt me not choosing her every day, in my words and my actions, and she was afraid I would abandon her. And actually, I did abandon her — by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about her.
I'll never not choose another woman I love again. It's torture for everyone.
Whether you're a man or a woman, this quiz can help you gain clarity on where you actually stand in your relationship — so you can choose from truth instead of fear.
About Bryan
A former US Air Force Captain turned internationally renowned author, relationship coach, and men's coach — Bryan has spent 20 years helping thousands of men, women, and couples move from conflict and confusion to clarity and deep connection.
His articles have been read by over 50 million people worldwide. He is the author of Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her) and Tell The Truth, Let The Peace Fall Where It May, and host of the Bridging Connections podcast.