What do men tend to misunderstand about sex and sexual pleasure?
Can a lack of body sensitivity be the underlying cause of sex and intimacy issues?
What practices can men do to increase sensitivity, and thus sexual pleasure (both for ourselves and our partners)?
In this episode, my guest, renowned and certified sexologist Destin Gerek, and I mine these questions and more – so much more – for useful insights to make a meaningful difference in your life.
I first crossed paths with Destin back in 2010, at an epic mansion party in the mountains about 90 minutes north of LA. One thing I noticed immediately about him was that he just exuded sexual charge. But not in a cocky way – pardon the pun – not in that bro-y, arrogant, aggressive way that many of us have experienced in other men. No. I hadn’t yet begun my own deep dive into intentional sexual and emotional awakening practices, so I didn’t really understand what I was experiencing in Destin’s presence. I know now that I was simply in the presence of a man who was deeply, beautifully, learning to connect to his own body.
A few years later, Destin and I reconnected at Lightning in a Bottle, one of those really fun Burning-Man-esque west coast festivals, where I was speaking on a panel to about 600 people, talking about my experiences using pornography. Amidst a huge outdoor audience, my eye caught Destin standing at the edge of the crowd, and again his presence just struck out at me.
I’m really glad to have Destin here today. I love the work he’s doing, has been doing, for many years, to help men awaken through sexuality. He’s dedicated his life to helping men learn how to cultivate their masculine power, by learning the secrets of sexual self-mastery, all while rooted in a set of ethics that men can feel proud to align themselves with. The fact that he’s not just some pick-up artist or sexual tantra teacher with shady ethics, but rather an honorable Man – and a husband, and father of two little ones – helping men learn to feel enlivened in their own bodies. .. well, that’s why he’s on Men, This Way, today.
I have great respect for Destin, and this is one of my favorite episodes of “Men, This Way” because we explore some really important topics together, like the overwhelming prevalence of sexual violation among most women, that men must be aware of and why, as well as the affect of pornography on men’s bodies, which by the way neither Destin nor I are against porn, and both of us even still do watch it, though with some very important caveats.
We also talk about what’s going on when a man ejaculates too fast, or not at all, and how to awaken sensitivity to your felt experience, in your body, such that you can become a better lover not because you know some new technique to rock your partner’s world, but rather you know better how to be fully PRESENT to your partner’s actual world, which is the one thing that most women, especially, almost NEVER get from men.
Also at the end, for those of you who know David Deida’s work, Destin and I briefly dive into some of the pitfalls people often fall into with his work, and how he and I have both evolved our own understanding of the masculine-feminine experience in our own lives.
This is a juicy episode, and we talk about all that, and more. So definitely stay tuned all the way through to Destin Gerek’s 5 Key Takeaway’s at the end of this episode of Men, This Way …
Let’s dive …
* this link might take you to Destin’s free upcoming webinar depending on your timing.