The Emotionally Unavailable Man with Jayson Gaddis (009)


Do you know what “emotionally unavailable” actually means?

Do you know why it’s so destructive to intimacy – and a man’s life, in general?

Do you know how easy it is for a man to say – even believe! – he’s both feet into a relationship with only one foot actually in?


If you’ve never heard of Jayson Gaddis, it’s only because you’ve never thought to actually learn how intimate relationships can work.

As my own relationship coaching practice began to take off a few years ago, people started telling me about this guy named Jayson Gaddis, that I needed to look into him. When I began my relationship with my fiance, herself a marriage and family therapist, she would mention his name and his podcast, the Smart Couple, as a great resource with practical tools for couples.

Jayson’s name followed me like my shadow. And with good reason.

Although we’ve never met in person, I decided to invite Jayson onto “Men, This Way” when I learned he was teaching relationship courses to high school students. I mean, in addition to his Relationship School, his own podcast, his therapy and coaching practice,  teaching relationship skills to high school students struck me as both incredibly important – surely more so than trigonometry or chemistry, since we ALL do relationships but so few of us are astrophysicists or whatever the hell chemistry majors do – but it also struck me as potentially futile, because at that age, aren’t we far more influenced by what we SEE and EXPERIENCE at home and in the world around us than by what someone teaches us in a classroom for a few hours?

Still, Jayson’s been doing this work for a while, he’s successfully married – by which I don’t just mean still together with his wife, but thriving in relationship with her – and he’s got two kids. And he’s brutally honest about how actually screwing up past relationships has helped shape him as a powerful healer and leader in this space, for both men and women.

So if there’s anyone who’s going to teach teenagers how to do relationship well? It’s Jayson Gaddis.

In this conversation, Jayson shares a surprising detail about that work, but more so we explore emotional unavailability, as well as practices for men to be more self-aware so we can be more emotionally present. And definitely stay tuned for Jayson’s 5 Key Takeaway’s at the end of this episode of “Men, This Way” …

Alright … Let’s dive …

SHOW NOTES

7:49 ~ A significant early experience in Jayson Gaddis’ life
12:41 ~ Shutting down vulnerability as man
13:58 ~ Teaching relationship courses to teenagers
17:08 ~ One of the greatest gifts we can offer as a holder of another’s experience
20:49 ~ Balancing focusing on outcomes and being present with your loved ones
25:05 ~ One offering for creating a truly fulfilling intimate relationship
26:57 ~ Being responsible for your partner’s nervous system
29:26 ~ Realizing how fear plays out in a relationship, and having one foot in instead of two
33:17 ~ Understanding how if one does not show up consistently for a relationship, it will end
36:27 ~ Intimacy is a value
40:05 ~ The greatest challenge facing men in the world today

41:49 ~ “5 KEY TAKEWAYS” FINALE

42:26 ~ KEY INSIGHT:

Your past relationship pain will follow you unless you deal with it

44:00 ~ KEY MAN TO LEARN FROM:

Dr John D. Martini polymath teacher on money, relationships, fulfillment, and more

45:20 ~ KEY RESOURCE (most impactful, inspiring book, movie, podcast):

Movie: Free Solo;
Book: “Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain” by Daniel J. Siegel;
Book: “Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind” by Yuval Noah Harari
Podcast: How I Built This with Guy Raz

46:57 ~ KEY INVESTMENT:

Family trip to Vancouver

48:12 ~ KEY PRACTICE (7-day challenge to listeners):

Get feedback from three friends on your strengths and weaknesses

OTHER LINKS AND RESOURCES

Find Jayson @ www.relationshipschool.com
As well as The Smart Couple Podcast

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  • Great podcast, with two exceptional relationships coachs, who through their honesty and vulnerability share their journey of being emotionally unavailable and offer thought provoking advice of how they took the decision to ‘Show up’ in their relationships and admit that what they’d learned or thought before just wasn’t working’ and were brave enough to say ‘I suck at this!’ and find a better way to communicate with their heart rather than their head!
    A lesson for all men who struggle with trying to be present ina relationship.
    Inspiring, thank you!

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