Why Men Use Sex (Porn) to Avoid Pain w/ Mark Groves (023)


Are you leaking sexual energy all over the place, at the store, gym, work, online?

Could you be using sex or porn to avoid shame, or avoid intimacy, or live up to some outdated model of a man?

Could you be using orgasm to self-soothe because you rarely received emotional soothing as a child?


Mark Groves is the founder of the popular and inspiring instagram page, Create The Love.

This is a little different than most episodes of Men, This Way, in that Mark is a repeat guest and we’re drilling down into a specific topic – essentially, how men use sex to avoid pain and what to do about it.

It’s a subject both Mark and I have a LOT of personal, painful experience in. We both used women, used sex, used porn, used orgasm to avoid a lot of underlying issues that just perpetuated disconnect and suffering in both ourselves and in our partners, even despite all the pleasure and good feeling that sex and orgasm and intimacy absolutely offer, too.

Since we both have also been on profoundly healing journeys around all this, awakening to and practicing what it takes to create healthy relationships, not just with another person, but with ourselves, and with our own full, rich sexual drives and desires, too, we decided to record an episode on this for you.

It’s filled with the life-changing insights and practices we both discovered on our respective journeys, including my experience doing a 30-day sex, dating, flirting, hunting, and hoping diet a few years ago, which profoundly shifted my relationship to sex, and intimacy, and really paved the way for the exquisite relationship I’m in today.

Definitely listen to the end of this episode of “Men, This Way,” where we give you our best practices for learning how to use sex, not as a crutch to avoid pain, but rather as potent fuel for creating more vitality and deep connection in your life.

Alright …

Let’s dive …

SHOW NOTES

5:58 ~ Mark Groves’ experiences with sex and emotional pain
12:08 ~ Seeking sex for emotional comfort
14:54 ~ Sex as validation
25:36 ~ Porn and its effects on men today
34:40 ~ Managing our sexual energy, and what draws from it
47:28 ~ Performance and validation
52:09 ~ The danger of making orgasm the point of sex
56:39 ~ Shame and sexuality
1:03:31 ~ Going on a sex diet
1:09:57 ~ Facing our pain, rather than avoiding it

OTHER LINKS AND RESOURCES

Find Mark @ www.MarkGroves.tv
The Mark Groves Podcast
@CreateTheLove on Instagram

Also … Do your own “Sex, Dating, Flirting, Hunting & Hoping Diet” @ www.BryanReeves.com/DatingDiet

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  • Thank you for talking about this delicate subject. I believe it is more common than one thinks. I was once in a relationship with a man who was addicted to porn and self pleasuring. (I was unaware at the time). It had totally ruined his ability to get and keep an erection with me and the countless other women he had been with. I thought it was me, but over time I realized his dependence on self pleasuring had ‘ruined’ his ability to be with a woman. Because of your video, I now know why. It is also one of the questions I ask of a man before we get serious. It can and will ruin the connection that is needed to be intimate with another.
    Thank you Bryan and Mark for being so open!

  • Wow, what an amazing podcast – raw, real, absolutely phenomenal. Thank you so much for the total honesty you both put out there. I have such admiration for men in general, but men who have faced their fears and come out the other side so much stronger and more aligned with their values are simply brilliant, and so deserving of the respect of both men and women.

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