The Cornell 7 conversation is global … I’m coaching a couple in Australia that told me just yesterday it’s everywhere down under there, too … as it should be.
This past week I made two social media posts sharing:
(1) my feedback to men who might feel attacked just for being a man in the world today (here on IG and on Youtube).
(the 100s of comments range from “thank you!” to “fu*k you!”)
Regardless your personal views on specifics of what actually happened at Cornell, we absolutely need to be talking about this.
Especially us men.
Because if you are a man and you think it isn’t your fault that women feel unsafe, like you’re one of the “good guys,” I get it … but that stance actually just perpetuates women’s lack of safety.
Think about it: if you are indeed one of the “good guys” and your first reaction to the anger towards men is to get defensive or shrug your shoulders and just go back to doing whatever you were doing, then who’s left to stand up to the men doing bad things?
Only women!
And women aren’t angry for no reason.
I mean, we Americans elected a president – not once, but twice!! – who enthusiastically bragged about grabbing women by the pu$$y!
The Cornell tragedy, the angry world of “incels,” Andrew Tate, the femicide phenomenon, the Epstein conspiracy … this is all just the tiny tip of the giant woman-hating iceberg.
A lack of safety for women is so pervasive in ways we men can’t even imagine because we don’t face it every single day of our lives as so many women do!
Every single woman you know has, throughout her lifetime, been at a minimum energetically slimed on by countless men, and is statistically likely to have been straight-up abused by a man – probably a close family member – and same is true for every woman in her genetic lineage going back to forever.
If we don’t take some kind of active stand against the rampant bad behavior by men … and I don’t just mean the relational mistakes we make, cause we all make mistakes, we all hurt people, women hurt men, too, but this isn’t that …
if we don’t actively stand against the awful behavior of men towards women, especially by powerful men …
if we don’t teach our sons to always treat women with respect and dignity (and hold even them accountable when they don’t) …
if we don’t show our daughters and wives that we will stand in the face of harmful male behavior, including our own because every man has the capacity to do harm …
if we don’t, then who will?
Yes, bad actors make the world unsafe. But the world doesn’t get better by leaving it up to bad actors to just start acting good.
We’re the ones who must make a stand, every day, even in small ways in our own homes.
Start by really listening to the women and girls in your life when they tell you how the world impacts them. Trust them when they tell you they don’t feel safe, even if you don’t get why.
Believe them when they say they’ve been harmed.
My experience as a relationship coach for 13 years has taught me that women will often feel the anger that a man won’t.
Until more men get angry at the endless injustices towards women, and speak up, stand up, call it out when we see it in even our brothers, friends, colleagues, and political leaders and ourselves, then the burden can only remain on women to feel it and express it.
Look, I know we may never live in a world where women don’t get hurt by men, but I do believe we can live ever more into a world where women can trust that more men than not will stand up in the face of it.
What’s your experience with all this?
I’d love to hear from you. Please share under one of my videos or leave a comment.