How can we reconcile old notions of chivalry with modern expectations of gender-equality?
Can gender-equality actually help MEN feel more free, too?
Do you really understand the (daily) privileges men have over women?
In this episode, my guest, Japanese author Shu Matsuo Post … and I mine these questions and more for useful insights to make a meaningful difference in your life.
Shu Matsuo Post is the author of a new book titled, “I Took Her Name.”
Shu is a bit of an anomaly on Men, This Way, because I didn’t really know of him personally before inviting him on to the podcast. Usually, my guests are actual friends, or men I’ve studied with for a time, who’s work I’ve already been following and learning from for some time. Shu is new to me. But if I’m going to continue this podcast, and continue on my quest to discover the deeper wisdom that lives in the hearts of experienced men, then I’ve got to push beyond my known zone and have conversations with men I don’t know at all.
So this episode is a first foray into that experience … and I’m excited to welcome Shu Matsuo Post, all the way from Japan, to be my first of the sort. I first heard about Shu’s book from his publicist – it’s titled, “I Took Her Name,” and it’s his personal story of taking his wife’s last name after marriage, and in the context of a Japanese culture – really a world culture – that doesn’t exactly hold that up as an option for men. Obviously the predominant cultural expectation remains that a woman will take her husband’s last name. It’s still a bit edgy and uncommon these days for two people to marry and both keep their own last names. Nevermind a man choosing to take his wife’s last name. Still, when I first heard about Shu’s book, honestly my first thought was, big deal! So what. He took his wife’s last name. I grew up with two strong mothers (married to my two fathers) and, well, my step-mother never took my father’s last name, and my step-father benefited greatly from my mom having his last name, because she was such a bad-ass that she actually had a building in Maryland, named after HER, for her humanitarian work … of course it carried HIS last name, even though it was her 35 years of service that put his last name on that building … ANYWAY … this ain’t the sole focus of our conversation. Because what, at least to me, is far more interesting in Shu’s story, is what he awakened to, what he learned, through a journey fraught with various challenges that women face all the time, yet few men ever do, that he could only experience by taking his wife’s last name …
So, like all my episodes, our conversation wanders through a range of interesting territory, from a discovery of the privileges men actually do have over women in our daily lives, to modern questions around chivalry, such as how do you open a door for a woman without being accused of sexism, to the surprising experience of freedom that can occur for us men as we learn to embrace, and fight for, gender equality.
One more thing, my new book is now out, “CHOOSE HER EVERYDAY OR LEAVE HER” “ A Guide For your journey through the transformational fires of love and intimacy. An anthology of my teaching stories, enlightening insights, practical tools, and secrets to creating extraordinary relationship (that should never be secrets!) in one beautifully bound and buttery red book that you can now own as you continue your own journey to thriving in love and intimacy.
Alright, back to my episode with Shu Matsuo Post … Take a deep breath, and stay present with us all the way through to Shu’s 5 Key Takeaway’s at the end of this episode of Men, This Way …
Let’s dive …
Shu’s Book: I Took Her Name