When Men Don’t Trust Other Men (Everyone Suffers)

This week, I’m off to the ancient Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina for my annual ELEVATE Men’s Retreat.

It is an unspoken epidemic – with unfathomable repercussions – that so many men do not trust other men.

For when a man cannot trust other men, it may reflect in the struggle to fully trust (and accept) himself – for he is a man, too, after all.

It may force him to turn to women for safe refuge, which inevitably fails him.

It may cause him to turn inward, to become an island, isolated and alone even amidst an ocean of people, willing to rely only on himself, and left to content himself with mere survival.

Which makes it such a privilege each year to bring men together from around the world for this epic 5-day journey into trustable brotherhood and deep purpose.

At the start of the year, when these men first meet each other, they are strangers to each other.

They don’t know if the other men will be willing (or even capable) to witness their struggles or seek alongside them for liberating answers to their most urgent questions. They don’t know if these new men will prove themselves trustable, or merely prove themselves to be just like most every other man who’s dismissed them, ridiculed them, lied to them, and in countless ways just disappointed and let them down.

Every year (this is our 4^th year), this is how we begin in January.

Every year, by June, before they’ve even met in person, men are already saying they’ve gotten what they came for – because of the strength of the container we hold, the agreements we all commit to, and the willingness of each man to keep showing up even when it’s uncomfortable (and it does get uncomfortable).

This retreat is one of my greatest privileges, to watch men lean into deep brotherhood. For some men, even men who have otherwise been very successful in life, this may be the first time in their lives they’ve actually felt safe to be who they are, to think how they think, and to love what they love.

All men need to be witnessed, challenged, supported, and celebrated. Few men get any of that. Many men do experience challenge, though too often it’s offered by the world around us – by other men, by bosses and colleagues, even sometimes by our families and spouses – in dishonoring, disrespectful, disempowering ways.

I used to not trust men.

These days, I get to meet a new crew of men every January to fall in love with by June.

I can’t imagine doing more important work in the world today than helping men step more fully into their greatness via the path of trustable brotherhood.

In August, we’ll start opening up enrollment for ELEVATE 2025.

If you’re a man – or know one – who’s ready to stop going it alone, and you’re ready to elevate your life in the ways most meaningful to you, join me for this epic journey in 2025.

You can pre-apply here.

📸 by David Tosti of Elevate 2022 and Elevate 2023 Retreats.