“When someone comes to you with their pain, they’re not asking you to decide if their experience is valid.” ~ Silvy Khoucasian ♦◊♦ Through all my adventures in intimacy, I spent way too much time evaluating the validity of my partners’ upsets and frustrations – often deciding they are NOT valid, especially when directed at … Read more
For years I couldn’t feel my feelings, and my intimate relationships suffered awfully as a result.
♦◊♦ In 2010, I spent 12 months in a purple SUV Dodge Durango crisscrossing North America on the most wondrous adventure with five other men, five brilliant musical shamans forever my brothers. That purple Durango – which anyone not color blind (like me) would always insist was blue – held us safe as we made … Read more
For nearly 3 decades, choosing me as your boyfriend was like strapping yourself into a faulty emotional roller coaster whose wheels would scream and spark before jumping the tracks, offing us both towards an awful demise.
Throughout my 20s and 30s, I often stayed in relationships I was deeply divided about staying in. My mouth would make promises my bones knew I couldn’t keep. Which made life awful for any woman who ever tried to love me.
Is watching porn creating beneficial experiences for your body, mind, relationship(s)? … Or impairing them?
When a man (or woman) says “I don’t want drama,” he is essentially saying, “I am terrified of feeling out of control, and I cannot be with anyone who feels feelings or acts in ways that are beyond my current capacity to feel or simply outside my tiny stress-free comfort zone.”
There’s a terrible phenomenon that destroys otherwise good relationships. I call it the “Relationship Death Gap.”
No one ever taught me how to “be in my heart” (or what that even means). My relationships have often suffered horribly as a result. Like most men (many women, too) I’ve been conditioned to live in my head, to use my brain to solve any problem that presents itself.
The road trip had been clearing my frazzled city-brain with each passing mile. Now, here I was with weeks of nothing stretching out before me, relaxed and ready to finish writing.