I’m thrilled to share my first article published in Elephant Journal. Here’s an excerpt and link to the full article. Warning: It’s saucy …
Recently, I wrote a blog that went out to thousands of women. The title of that blog was “Why I’m giving up women for 30 days.”
It was one of my most provocative blogs, and I basically got two variety of response:
(1) “It amazes me that you men can’t go without sex for 30 days. This blog just confirms that your hearts aren’t attached to your penises. Shame on you!”
Those were from women who only read the title and not the actual blog—and they emailed me directly! The second basic response was from women who actually read it through:
(2) “Wow! I had no idea you men went through the same things us women experience. That was seriously enlightening! Thank you!!”
Because you see, my “woman fast” wasn’t about sex. It was about identity and self-worth. I had been noticing for a long time how much I base my worth as a man on the affections and attentions of a woman. I was believing that No Woman = No Worth.
As a consequence, I was leaking my energy everywhere in the hopes of just being seen by an attractive woman.
For example, on any given day, I might spend a solid 90 seconds loitering in the produce section fondling strange vegetables I don’t have a clue what to do with in the hopes that pretty brown-eyed girl perusing bananas might notice me so I could feel better about myself. Add an extra five minutes spent on the leg machine at the gym after little miss juicy pants pulls up to the thigh buster beside me and I suddenly decide my leg routine isn’t finished. At least my legs got a great workout.
And yoga class? In some cases being around women was the only reason I even did yoga. Which I guess is not so bad, either; but still, it took me forever to put on my shoes after class, or at least until the last cute yogini had left the room.
L.O.W. Syndrome (Lack Of Woman Syndrome; it’s an imaginary disease based on real life circumstances) combined with the fear of rejection is a nasty mix!
This debilitating brew had me spending so much time engaging in impotent coping behaviors: urgent online dating, empty flirting, medicinal masturbation, massive chocolate consumption and more.
However, the biggest cost of imagined L.O.W.-Syndrome reveals itself in the five to seven cumulative years I have spent in relationships that weren’t satisfying, thriving or even healthy (i.e. totally toxic), simply because they gave me some semblance of identity, validation and self-worth, even though I often felt like shit…or worse, empty.
Well, I finally had enough of my insanity. I was feeling ridiculous and exhausted, and I wanted my life back. I decided to try and disrupt these patterns by quitting women cold-turkey for 30 Days.
… Read the entire article and my 3 surprising discoveries @
I remember reading about your fast maybe this summer? or early fall? Either way, it is great to read the POV from a guy, and something that even as a woman, might grow me. Thank you for the updates on it and your Elephant summation. Great ‘work’ (writing/spiritual).
Hi Amy. I didn’t see this comment till just now. Thanks for your good energy here. I do see that a lot of women really appreciate the man’s perspective on something like this. I guess we’re not really known for our deep sharing 😉 … Thanks again. Bryan.