Caution: This post contains some graphic content and passionate language. I’m on a complete “woman fast”. I’m rather aroused … but you’re still safe with me. Promise … especially if you made it through Fifty Shades of Grey.
I’m now 16 days into my 30-day woman fast (as the original blog explains, it’s not just about sex. I’m not enough “player” that 30 days would even be meaningful if it were about sex. This is really an exploration into my identity as a man and the deeper truths that may otherwise lay hidden beneath my incessant longing for a woman’s attention).
I know 30 days doesn’t seem like much, but at the beginning I assure you it felt like an eternity! On Day 7, I fell off the wagon and, well, basically landed on top of a very lovely woman. Although nothing got stuck anywhere it wasn’t supposed to get stuck under the rules of my fast, my supportive brothers, Fabian Alsultany and “man-coach” Zat Baraka, held me accountable and insisted I reset the clock … so I did. I’ve been back on the wagon for 16 days.
Here’s some of what’s been arising for me, so to speak:
1) It’s actually AWESOME walking around completely horny, wanting to fuck most every sexy woman I see, and not actually having to do anything about it.
It’s a thrilling freedom that almost feels foreign. Curiously, I’m feeling even more connected to my masculine core. That exhausting anxiety that typically accompanies my sexual fire, insisting I do something about it … is essentially gone. My sex-drive is strong! But the anxiety is gone! At the gym today, I was able to just luxuriate in this deliciously deep appreciation for all these beautiful, sexy women, their deliciously undulating shapes and varying textures, without feeling the need to claim one as my own … and since I’ve never before successfully claimed one as my own, ridding myself of that ridiculous task burden was a MAJOR relief to my whole fucking soul!
I just feel more like a solid man, thrilling in the fiery sexual rhythms rushing through every fibrous tissue in my awakened body, unconcerned whether I or anyone else does anything to indulge their lusty thirst. It’s kinda like walking around with a really scrumptious full-body itch that I don’t need anyone to scratch. It’s quite DELICIOUS.
“Just because a man has an erection, doesn’t mean he has to do anything with it.” ~ Byron Katie
2) I’ve been ashamed of having a strong sex-drive for most of my life.
I’ve always had a very healthy sex-drive, and I’ve been rather ashamed of it for most of my life. Somehow I learned early in life that my sexual feelings were mostly inappropriate. Maybe it was being shamed for looking at nudie mags as a kid, or maybe some authority ordered me with disgust in their voice to stop playing with my own penis. It also could have just been witnessing how girls repeatedly seemed to be repulsed by my innocent playful advances.
I think my lifelong shame is also indicative of a common “spirituality belief” that sex is a “low-vibe” expression of my being, and therefore not to be much entertained. Which itself is partly a New-Age hangover from our puritan Christian roots … as witnessed by the fact that my culture’s mainstream entertainment routinely shows human heads exploding but cannot show the head of a penis rubbing up against a wet vagina … as if THAT’S the perversion!
It’s no wonder I experience shame that I want to thoroughly and routinely enjoy a woman’s entire body.
This fast has really allowed me to enjoy my sexuality without the shame that can accompany it when I want desperately to openly confess it (in whatever way that might be respectfully done), but feel doing so would be socially unacceptable.
I don’t want anymore to be ashamed, in any way.
I’m a deeply spiritual man. AND I love to fuck. I also REALLY love grabbing a woman’s round ass tight with my hands and burying my face deep between her legs. I long to feel her wet vagina wrap itself around my hungry mouth as my soft, short beard gently tickles across the insides of her rich, buttery thighs.
… … look, I’m on a complete woman fast. I’m horny. I feel like writing this Fifty Shades shit all day long!!
The essential point is:
IT IS RIDICULOUS TO BE ASHAMED OF OUR AUTHENTIC SEXUALITY.
I’m all for the sacred container of monogamy and fully intend to experience the adventure of my lifetime by someday committing to one life partner. I’ll still probably desire other women when I’m in relationship with her. I just won’t act on it, AND I won’t feel ashamed of those feelings. This fast is really deepening my access to both of those superpowers.
3) I really miss the experience of “family”.
I’m 39. I’ve already lived a wildly adventurous life. I live happily in California, and I do not intend to ever move back to the East Coast, where most of my family still lives. I’m lucky to already know so many amazing people here in California. But I also realize I have a bad residual habit from all my years of moving about and living in so many places around the planet: I don’t nurture the majority of my relationships into genuine, long-term friendships. I can go deep with most anyone, and do so easily and quickly, but I don’t nurture that long-term with most people.
I was riding my bicycle alone last Saturday morning in Venice Beach. T’was a sunny, beautiful July beach day. Countless people from everywhere strolling about, playing volleyball on the sand and crowding the eclectic merchant promenade. As I was passing long caravans of families and friends riding their own bicycles, I started to realize that … I’m lonely.
I knew that I wouldn’t comfort my loneliness with a woman’s attention, and my closest friends were all at festivals I chose not to attend. I felt this deep and unfamiliar desire to just run home to mom’s place for some dinner and rolling around time with her 4 amazing Bernese Mountain Dogs. I wanted to crack ridiculous jokes with my step-father and just kind of hang out in that familiar loving space. But they live in Maryland, some 3000 miles away. So I couldn’t escape there. I had to face my loneliness.
As I reflected further on the diverse delightful people I already know locally, I realized that I’m lonely entirely by choice. I’m simply not inviting in those who would be my family if I only chose to create that experience with them.
In the moment that thought really hit me, my chest ached, but I immediately felt hopeful. I turned my bicycle around and headed back to my apartment. I made calls along the way and ultimately created an amazing weekend with my new, chosen and growing California family.
I realize I’ve partly been filling this “family” void with the affections of women. There’s nothing wrong with me looking for the affections of a woman. After all, the survival of our species depends on my success! I’m simply working on clearing out the persistent anxiety and occasional desperation that accompanies the search.
I don’t need a woman to scratch my family itch. The right one will come along whenever she does, and there’s little I can do about her timing. Until then, I’m actually excited to cultivate my new chosen family. That’s actually a big breakthrough for me.
4) My dreams have been really sexual … and reeeeeally yummy.
Yes, I’m having juicy … juuuuuicy … dream sex. No, I’m not resetting the clock. They’re not lucid dreams, so I don’t feel entirely responsible for their fantastic content.
I’ll share more insights soon.
Can you relate to any of this?