The Hardest Life Lesson: Self-Love

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I still sometimes say “yes” when I deeply want to say “no” (and vice versa) … and then resent others/life for my choices.

I still sometimes walk paths that feel heavy because logic says this will get me the love, validation, etc. I want … which is mostly always wrong.

I’ve been taught that love, peace, fulfillment, affection, validation, etc. comes from the world around me, and to get it I must dance like a monkey on a chain crashing cute little cymbals together for crackers.

Sure, I get my crackers, dancing like a monkey for others’ pleasure.

But I’m tired of crackers!

Where’s the Feast?

I am discovering the Feast is in living self-love everyday, regardless where it takes me or what it gets me … in loving and honoring my deeper knowing so completely that I am not willing to move into any experience that feels heavy, regardless what my scarcity-minded, fear-filled ego-brain tells me about it.

Throughout my life, when I’ve felt compelled to move deeper into some darkness – into heaviness – it always turned out that I needed to learn something massive for my evolution … and suffering is a great teacher!

I’m done suffering intentionally for the sake of “growth.”

My current practice is self-love.

It’s perhaps the hardest practice – and often the most terrifying, too, for it threatens everything we’ve been taught about how to get love and acceptance (from the outside world).

But I ache for the Feast.

So my moment-to-moment practice is to honor what is deeply true for me by speaking / walking / living / breathing / fully surrendering to my deeper knowing without often knowing “why” it’s true or “what” it will get me.

Sometimes the practice is just closing the gap between the moment I sell myself out and the moment I adjust by coming back Home to myself.

A big part of this practice is also not making others (life) dance like a subservient monkey to please, validate, or take care of me, either.

There’s another name for practicing self-love everyday:

Letting go.

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  • Hi Bryan,
    I’m really curious…..how did you happen to creep into my soul and join my journey? I guess it’s true. It’s not my journey. It’s the journey of all souls who choose experiencing themselves as All That Is.
    Gorgeous. Delicious. Truth. For me anyway :))
    Thank you again.
    Sabiha xx

  • Thank you so much for this post! I’ve been struggling with this myself lately, so it’s always nice to hear a reminder that there’s an endless well of love inside that I can connect to without doing anything special other than recognizing it.

    • An endless well. That’s right. Always there. You don’t need do anything other than simply notice it, and keep going about your day. Magic. : ) Thank you, Jessi. Bryan

  • So good…YES! The reminders are coming to me from all directions. Will pay attention. Live in LOVE… Feed the LOVE. And I will use my 8 year old son’s new favorite line directed straight at my FEAR “Hasta La Vista Baby.”
    Thank you Bryan. I enjoy all of your posts.

  • Hello Bryan, I just discovered your blog, and have now whiled away a glorious hour of reading your posts, while all the things I “should” be doing lay scattered around me on the floor. You have reminded me of what is possible – sometimes I just forget, or I allow “what is” to take up so much energy, that I no longer have room for “what can be”…Thank you for baring your heart for all the world to see. I appreciate you.

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