The Sexiest 3 Words a Man Can Say to a Woman

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“I love you.” (nope)

“You look beautiful.” (nope)

“Let’s go shopping!” (depends how you say it, but still, no)

“How’s your mother?” (no, this will just make her suspicious of you)

Those are all nice to say, and many women want to hear them from their partner; they like to feel cherished. But none of those by themselves will necessarily have her soften all warm-putty-like into your hairy masculine arms.

[dt_quote type=”blockquote” font_size=”big” animation=”none” background=”plain”]The three sexiest words I’m referring to speak to primal forces within both men and women. An archetypal trip wire, these eight letters strung together can trigger a man’s spine to straighten and make a woman swoon.[/dt_quote]

I wish I could say I figured this one out by myself, but a lady friend had to point this out. Once she did, I looked back to my own intimate relationships and saw overwhelming evidence for her case everywhere.

We were having coffee when she started telling me about her new boyfriend. He was refined and kind, loving and intelligent. He was a creative artist, and an accomplished one at that. She felt him a good man and she was happy. Then she told me about the first morning they woke up together, and that’s when she really lit up during our conversation.

She has a dog. Normally the dog gets her up early to go pee outside when she’s still in comatose denial of an outside world. On this particular morning, when the dog woke her up as usual, her new beau opened his eyes, looked at her and with nary a hesitation, issued the most magical three-word spell she could recall ever hearing from a man. She said these words slid from his masculine mouth smooth as a river stone and strong as steel (that’s my interpretation of what she said). She swooned. She relaxed. Under his sudden spell she felt herself completely protected and cherished by this man’s love.

“I got this.”

That’s what he said.

[dt_quote type=”blockquote” font_size=”big” animation=”none” background=”plain”]“I’m going to take on this uncomfortable mission-oriented task because that’s how I can best offer my masculine gift right now while honoring your delicious gift of feminine energy to my life. I will demonstrate my deep commitment to your care by ensuring you can stay warm under the covers and linger in this moment of blissful embodied reverie.”[/dt_quote]

He actually only said the first three words. That whole second paragraph is my rough translation as I believe my friend heard it.

But first he said it. And then he actually did it.

She was so impressed you’d think he bought her the Eiffel Tower. All he did was walk her dog.

~

strongwoman

~

We live in an age when women are empowered to care for themselves like never before.

I grew up mostly thinking women were supposed to “I got this” for themselves.

My two moms (married to my two fathers) held my two childhood worlds together. I watched my mom and step-mom, two brilliant, strong women, communicate “I got this” in countless ways to my dad, my step-father, and to me. Working women with big visions for life, they never seemed to “need” a man, which I took to mean no real woman needs a man.

I inevitably turned that model for “woman” into the model for my ideal mate: A woman who never needs me.

Growing up a “western man” in this modern world, I’ve received the message in countless ways that women are my equal in every way – and that’s a really good thing from a certain perspective. Women are equal to men in terms of inherent human worth and value. They should have every legal right that any man has.

However, my understanding of sex equality completely overlooked certain ways my more feminine female partners and I were genuinely different. We yearned differently, meaning we experienced the world in rather different ways, even wanting different things from each other. For example, just holding a woman and making love with her is often a different experience for me than it is for my partners.

I don’t embrace a woman to feel safe in her arms. When I embrace her I feel strong in my body, masterful even, as though I’m living my purpose by wrapping her up safe and protected within my steady arms. My female partners, in contrast, have often expressed that’s what they love most about being in my embrace: the experience of feeling safe, physically and emotionally, that they can relax in knowing they’re protected in that one moment from the tiresome chaos of the world. It’s as if we both journeyed from very different worlds to secretly rendezvous in this one moment of exquisite embrace.

Failing too often to account for such differences, I have struggled in most of my intimate relationships with women. Clearly a contributing factor has been my inability to step up in all kinds of situations and say to my partners—often even to myself—“I got this.”

♦◊♦

Before I wade too deep into controversial waters, let me clarify that what I’m exploring is less about man-woman and more about masculine-feminine. Any foray into masculine-feminine dynamics risks offending those who hear those terms being used synonymously. I don’t mean to do that. What I’m pointing at holds for all couples—hetero, gay, or otherwise—in which one partner carries more masculine energy and the other carries more feminine. Sometimes those energies can switch back and forth between partners. I invite you to see through to the deeper rhythms I’m exploring, beyond the details of who has what body parts.

I simply want to convey that when I look back through my life, I see far too often that I left my feminine partners to fend for themselves in ways large and small. From making them decide where we should eat to running away when they were stressed emotionally and I hadn’t the capacity to love them through it, I failed too often to step up and say, “I got this.”

[dt_quote type=”blockquote” font_size=”big” animation=”none” background=”plain”]Which just means I consistently failed to convey, “Baby, I invite you to relax and trust that all will be well because I have the strength, the discipline, the fortitude and the vision—and at the very least the unwavering perseverance—to hold us through this moment of discomfort and steward us safely to new ground where we will experience a brighter moment of ease together.[/dt_quote]

Ok, so that’s a bit poetic when we’re talking about walking the dog or deciding where to eat. And sometimes our partners will genuinely want to bear their own burdens, or bear them equally alongside us, or even bear ours for us. I’m painting in broad strokes here.

♦◊♦

There’s something deeply compelling about the idea of being with a woman who can fully take care of herself, and who enjoys allowing me take care of her anyway.

I invite you to say to yourself a few times: “I got this.

How does that feel in your body?

Do you feel your chest rise a bit, your breathing deepen, your backbone straighten? Do you come alive and start looking around the room for some challenge to take on?
Or do you prefer imagining someone say it to you? Does the thought of your partner whispering it to you all sexy-like make your body soften and your heartbeat quicken? Does it set your yearning alight?

Truth is, I’ve always wanted a woman who can take care of herself. Which seems healthy to me, actually. Any mature adult should be able to take care of themselves in the modern world. I don’t want a partner who expects me to run around all day telling her “I got this” so she can stay in bed all day. That would just be exhausting for me and eventually frustrating for her. I’m not Superman. She’s not helpless.

Still, there’s something deeply compelling about the idea of being with a woman who can fully take care of herself, and who enjoys allowing me to take care of her anyway.

“I got this.”

  • I LOVE this article Bryan. Absolutely perfectly stated. I love being able to fend for myself and take on life, but YES – indeed and without a doubt it is a major and ultimately beautiful offering of love when my partner let’s me know “he’s got this”….truly, I find myself able to sink back into the still of womanhood that is internal, intuitive and silent…and let the world “take care of itself” for a while…thanks to one amazing man. That is the biggest gift in the world. Bigger than flowers, gifts, I love you’s, date-night – anything. It is true honoring and care of the female nature. And it also says “I see all you do…and in this moment, rest. Thank you”….. Bless you Brother. Keep on Keeping on. I LOVE your posts.

  • I love how social media and the online world work – very happy that somehow your blog post was put in my path today. This is a BEAUTIFUL post and truly advocates for the partnership we all desire. Like Stasia said, I am also a very independent woman, but I love that my husband is masculine and will take care of and provide for this family. When he ‘has it’, I know that I don’t have to worry about it. That’s amazing.

    I’m a former Navy LT – love to meet fellow vets in this line of work. Thanks for your service friend 🙂

  • Wonderful article. My wife struggles with early mornings so when our son Marco started kindergarten I made sure that he was at school on time. With his hair styled, his teeth brushed, his clothes cleaned and a full belly. In essence… showing her “I Got This”

  • So at the end of the day they just want the money and to be taken cared of, women’s sufferage must have been a big waste of time. All that equality they fought for and still men have to be pressured to be the main provider! Times haves changed and women control the work force now how about WE GOT THIS

  • Thank you for articulating what I have so often felt! As a single mom who always has to be the one to *I got this*, I really love and appreciate when it doesn’t have to be that way. Btw, you are an excellent writer 🙂

  • mmmmmmmm. yum, that really is the three most wonderful words to hear. it invites me to relax and breathe, secure and held. can’t wait ….to have a man who can meet you in your independence yet still show up and ensure you have the space to relax into “woman.”….

  • An excellent exhortation, and aptly distributed amid the minefields of today’s warring factions of sexual identity. Thank you for making it about humanness.

    I’ve never understood, from any side of the relationship equation, why we would go through the pains of lifelong commitment only to thirst for failure from our partner. Any tool, thought, adjustment, inconvenience to help our mate be OUR mate is worth its weight in golden returns on the investment. From the womanly side, can’t we help a guy out, throw him a big hint? Or just be forthright in our expectations? Besides, we can as creatively arrange circumstances as we can flowers. Get some things to come out your way and let him believe it was his idea. (And when he figures it out one day? That’s some huge delight right there!).

  • Wow! these are the runner ups as the the three sexiest words that a man can say to a woman.

    “I love you.”

    “You look beautiful.”

    “Let’s go shopping!”

    “How’s your mother?”

    May no good man utter this sexist filth again.

  • Hats off to you Bryan! I’m 39 and am for the first time experiencing this surrender of which I hear you speak. It feels wonderful as a woman to trust, believe, and ALLOW a man to take that masculine role and let him feel that chest puff! Thank you for your eloquent depiction of the feminine – masculine dynamic.

  • Great job Bryan – I’m a dating coach and writer, and I was a bit skeptical when I started reading – but you’ve totally convinced me. “I got this” actually translates more than just “I love you!”

    • “Not only do I love you, I’m going to back that up with action to tell you I really mean it. ” That’s something that rings authentic and credible to me.

  • You hit the motherlode of truth here, Bryan: The 3 words are RIGHT ON, as are your poetic extrapolations (yum, by the way). As a highly educated, career-driven woman, I was always the one saying “i got this.” Not till age 50 — in a new relationship with an equal — did I ever allow myself to soften enough to allow someone else to “get this.” My new husband and I take turns “getting it,” as that is in both of our natures. But YES there is something intrinsic in the feminine ease and peace that comes when HE says, “I got it.”

    It’s a still new and ongoing journey to explore my feminine side. Thanks for giving voice to this insight; it’s useful for men and women’s self-awareness. Wonderful!

  • Yes, yes, yes. I’m a single mother of 4 and a very busy middle school teacher. I’ve got my shit together which seems to intimidate most men. I’m fully capable of handling my life myself yet I do long for someone who will step up, stand up and say “I got this.” I don’t know how long it will take but I’m absolutely certain it will be worth the wait.

    • Dear Sarah, I can promise you it will be worth the wait. When I met my wife, she was a single mother of 3 in a high pressured (male dominated) career and the fact that she “had her shit together” certainly intimidated a lot of men. I however, found that it was part of the overall qualities which I found attractive in her. We are now a very happy team with four kids. Why am I writing this to you? Well, I read this article, posted on a friend’s FB page and it nearly knocked me over. The very fact that I know she is more than capable of handling life, has meant that probably too often I’ve sat back and let her make the steering decisions, justifying it to myself with “yeah, well she’s so damn good at this stuff”. Having read through this article though, I’m off to dig out my “I got this” card and use it just a little more often.
      Your post, really resonated with who my Sarah is….. And who I should always strive to be to deserve her. I wish you all the very best in your quest. Keep kissing frogs…. Some of us are out there waiting for the right Princess to come along……!

  • YES!! The sexiest thing ever!
    Now if to find a way to distribute this to every man in the world… The ones that do it (to express appreciation and validation) and the ones that don’t (to include them in the former group.)

  • Maybe I’m the weird one here but those three words would not be sexy to me in the slightest. More like: “I believe in you.” “I’ll help you.” “I respect you.” A man who automatically assumes that I will appreciate his help and doesn’t ask me if it’s ok first would raise a million red flags and I would probably hit the ground running. Offering to help is different from just deciding you’re going to do something for me. Not cool.

    I appreciate the sentiment in this, but it weirdly glorifies women (or, femininity) in a way, which…kind of reverts back to objectifying. There’s no magical phrase that “all women” need or want to hear, because, you know, we’re people and not robots. I feel safe in my man’s arms because he is my best friend, not because he is a manly man full of masculinity. Similarly, I would like to be helped because I asked for help and not because he assumed I’m exhausted from living my life as a female.

    I’m glad that YOU enjoy taking care of women who don’t need your help. And I think there are many women who will love you for that, too. That’s great. But that’s not a trademark of women, and that is your special case. I love men who DON’T do that. Go figure. It’s like women have different preferences or something.

    • I think you’re being triggered by something I’m not saying. Nowhere in here do I say a woman MUST let a guy handle things for her. Nowhere. I also don’t say you’re exhausted living as a female. Nope.

      I said in the article that I’m pointing to deeper rhythms here that are beyond what body part you have. Seems like you have more masculine energy in you than a lot of other women. That’s perfectly fine. Masculine-feminine is NOT a man-woman / penis-vagina thing. If you genuinely feel great holding an “I got this” orientation in your life, with your partner … awesome. Your partner can be more relaxed and enjoy his own feminine essence more. Nothing wrong with that at all.

  • What a great essay…. you are spot on!
    I am a highly educated, independent woman with all the responsibilities that go along with being educated and self-determined/self-reliant, but hearing someone to say, “I got this” (especially when it’s in actions) makes be feel safe, comforted and cared for. We all need that and that need does not replace any sense of equality; it merely adds to our humanity, or need for connection.

  • Reblogged this on Life between the lines and commented:
    By far, the most orgasmic Saturday morning of my life. Finally a man who totally gets it. Do read the entire blog, you sure will learn or concur: http://thiswildwakingjourney.wordpress.com/2014/10/27/the-sexiest-3-words-a-man-can-say-to-a-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1345

    Best way a man can spell love to ME.

    “I’ve always had so many messages coming at me that women are my equals in every way. That’s a good thing from a certain perspective. Women are equal to men, in terms of inherent human worth and value. They should have every legal right that any man has.

    However, my understanding of sex equality completely overlooked certain ways my more feminine female partners and I were genuinely different. We yearned differently, meaning we experienced the world in rather different ways, even wanting different things from each other. For example, just holding a woman and making love with her is often a different experience for me than it is for my partners.

    I don’t embrace a woman to feel safe in her arms. When I embrace her I feel strong in my body, masterful even, as though I’m living my purpose by wrapping her up safe and protected within my steady arms. My female partners, in contrast, have often expressed that’s what they love most about being in my embrace: the experience of feeling safe, physically and emotionally, that they can relax in knowing they’re protected in that one moment from the tiresome chaos of the world. It’s as if we both journeyed from very different worlds to secretly rendezvous in this one moment of exquisite embrace.

    Failing too often to account for such differences, I have struggled in most of my intimate relationships with women. Clearly a contributing factor has been my inability to step up in all kinds of situations and say to my partners—often even to myself—“I got this.”

  • The problem with men is there more cowardly than ever we as man should never have even let woman take it this far where they feel the need to have to be so independent . We as men have a responsibility to take care of our woman financially , emotionally and to die protecting them if necessary as is the woman’s job is to take care of our home, cooking, cleaning which is no easy task. The majority of men these day’s are a joke they beat woman they verbally attack them and then expect them to pay the bills and support them its pathetic so to you guys who know who you are treat your woman with respect cause your no man at all your the dirt under my shoe man up and be a man .

    • “We as men have a responsibility to take care of our woman financially , emotionally and to die protecting them if necessary as is the woman’s job is to take care of our home, cooking, cleaning which is no easy task.”

      Are you freaking kidding me??

  • I agree that we’re out of whack and don’t honor the masculine and the feminine. So often they are reduced to gender roles. I can honor the mystery of the feminine, but what I’ve found lacking is some kind of reciprocation: can she honor the certainty of the masculine? Being fully present for your partner is a two way street.

  • Thank you for spending your time to share a powerful message that did indeed straighten my spine, and strengthen my resolve.

    I live and breath through a woman’s body but think and act and feel like a man….always have.

    I am 46 years old and have finally figured out “who” the hell I am this past year. I have been reading and lurking on The Good Men Project and found your article there. Thank you for speaking to me….a man, that everyone, but my soon-to-be wife, thinks of me as a woman. I appreciate your use and clarification by using feminine/masculine as markers.

    I am fortified and strengthened today.

    I got this!

    Best,
    Jack

  • For a while, my relationship with my wife was “I got this.” Later, it became “we got this.” Now, it’s “will you get this?” Haha

    Great article though!

  • As a now single, professional woman still raising 3 kids, after 18 years married to a man who was happy to always let me be the one that “got it”, I find that this idea is novel but it resonates. With a few dates under my belt, and the occasional “I got this” moment with them, I have found that it does indeed fill a part of the relationship dance that had been missing previously. I am looking forward to a long-term partnership where we each allow the other to be the “got it” man in equal measure.

    • it’s not if you want to “identify” with being masculine. If you want to attract feminine energy (whether in a man or a woman), then stepping up and saying “I got this” is a powerful way to do that. If you don’t want to attract feminine energy, then don’t do that. Let your partner completely take care of him/herself, and you can just be two people who aren’t deeply attracted to each other or you can play the more feminine role. Nothing wrong with either way you choose to go.

  • Tobin Rangdrol,
    Please do your self the good service of reading this very eloquent article again. It seems to me that the “sexest view” you are interpreting is a mistake and you would owe Mr. Reeves and apology. the article clearly shows that this is NOT sexest at all in the following copied paragraph: “Before I wade too deep into controversial waters, let me clarify that what I’m exploring is less about man-woman and more about masculine-feminine. Any foray into masculine-feminine dynamics risks offending those who hear those terms being used synonymously. I don’t mean to do that. What I’m pointing at holds for all couples—hetero, gay, or otherwise—in which one partner carries more masculine energy and the other carries more feminine. Sometimes those energies can switch back and forth between partners. I invite you to see through to the deeper rhythms I’m exploring, beyond the details of who has what body parts.”
    It’s all there in black and white.

  • Women and men are not exactly alike, and true feminism is not trying to make that a reality. Men and women do have different needs in a relationship, even though, as the author stated, there are times when roles are reversed. As a general rule, women do have a need to be cherished, while men have a need to be, well, needed. I have been married for 28 years, and have always viewed my husband as “my knight in shining armor.” He expresses his love through service (taking care of me), and I build him up in return, as well as making sure he is well fed. There is no subordinate role in our relationship, and some people would say that I’m the more dominate of the two of us.

    So, no, this is is not a sexist article in any way. It’s recognition, and the sharing of an “aha!’ moment. “I got this” are three of my favorite words, and yes, they are VERY sexy!

  • I just came across your post when a friend of mine shared it on Facebook. I really appreciate the distinction you’re making between man/woman and masculine/feminine energies and how the second is not determined by the first. (Sometimes I think we need different words for the latter altogether because of the baggage it carries, but that’s another topic altogether!) I particularly like this moment: “And sometimes our partners will genuinely want to bear their own burdens, or bear them equally alongside us, or even bear ours for us. I’m painting in broad strokes here.” Roles do switch and change, and it’s empowering to be able to give and receive at different times in the relationship. My fiance is very much an “I got this” kind of guy whose kindness -does- make me feel cared for and cherished, even as he acknowledges and values the fact that I’m more than capable of handling things myself, and that sometimes I need or want to. Thanks for a thoughtful and reflective piece!

  • I think the title should just be The 3 Sexiest Words.
    Personally, I wish my husband could say that to me more often. But since he is the breadwinner most of the time, I find myself doing more things for him. When he does things for me, I do cherish it. And I know when I say to him ” I got this”, he is relieved and grateful. All of us love being cherished, taken cared of, loved. Taking turns to say “I got this” is beautiful and nurturing. Thank you for this great essay which does articulate that feeling of loving surrender.

  • Coming from an extremely independent and self reliant woman, you have beautifully articulated what is lost with extreme feminism. Thank you.

  • Let me say that I am a VERY self sufficient woman… I have built my own house, worked in male dominated careers all my life, and I am pretty much a tomboy at heart. I am authentic and outspoken (to some). Often men are really confused by me, and dont offer to do things for me because they think i can do it myself or they might offend me. It has been confusing for me because on one hand my “extreme” self sufficiency is a product of our culture and developed because of need, not necessarily wants. (though i am very satisfied to be this way). I have been trying to explain this to men around me… that I just chose to not pull the “damsel in distress card”, but it still doesnt take away my need and want to be in my feminine role. A lot of men I have dated have let me do all the hard work while they sit there with there feet up (literally on my kitchen table!). As I have grown and come into a better awareness of myself I have learned that what is MOST attractive to me in a man, is one who understands the value in my independence and the confidence within his masculinity to take the upper hand and know how to let me surrender (or just rest for that matter!!!). It is very primal, and a very essential ingredient to our sexual beings. I love you article Bryan! Its even better that the person who posted it on their FB is my boyfriend! lol

  • Hey Bryan! Thanks for your article! The beginning really made me smile because it reminded me a lot of how my mom fell in love with my dad. They were on a ski weekend together with friends and in the morning, everybody (including my mom) was half-awake but too lazy to actually get up, secretly hoping for someone else to make a start. And then my dad got up and made breakfast for everyone. He got this. And indeed, my mom was swooning away.

    However, I disagree with your interpretation of this. In my opinion, typically male gender roles evolve around things like taking charge and making decisions, while typically female gender roles usually evolve around care. As I see it, the action in your example (walking the dog), as well as the action in mine (my dad making breakfast) are actually assigned to typically female gender roles. They are actions of care, not an action of taking charge.

    In fact, I recently visited a conference where a researcher presented her study on heterosexual couples who indicated they were critical of stereotypical gender roles. She found that what usually happened with these couples was that the man and the woman contributed equally (or the woman even more) to stereotypically male responsibilites such as breadwinning, taking decisions etc, but the woman still ended up doing all the care-work, i.e. housework, childrearing, emotional work in the family etc. Her advice to couples was that in order to have a truly equal relationship, the guy must not only accept the woman’s independence, but also take up stereotypically feminine roles of care.

    Again, I wholeheartedly agree with your last sentence. For me too, as a heterosexual woman, there’s something deeply compelling about the idea of being with a guy who accepts my independence, but still takes care of me. But I don’t want him to say, “I got this. You don’t have to deal with this crazy world, I will take charge of things and protect you”. It want him to say, after I come home from a long day at work, tired and hungry: “I got this. I’m gonna make dinner and clean up the kitchen. Just lie down and relax”. As women, we have become so accustomed to take care of absolutely everything and everybody all the time. And when someone comes and finally takes care of us for once – that’s where the real magic happens.

    • Yes, Annina, and there is so much richness and depth to this exploration. I agree this is not, in the end, about gender … it’s not about penis-vagina (as I seem to love to say 🙂 ) It is about the deeper masculine and feminine energies that lie within us all. In terms of our disagreement over interpretation, I think it’s a question of semantics, really. Getting up and cooking breakfast to let your wife sleep could certainly be seen as a masculine act of taking charge and getting the mission done (to feed people) even when it’s otherwise uncomfortable (to get out of bed). It’s not the specific detail of the act, but the spirit in which it’s being offered.

      Anyway, this is a deep exploration; one we won’t fully unpack here for sure. I appreciate your insight! Thank you 🙂 Bryan

  • Bryan, Bryan, Bryan…. I’m a bit speechless… Reading this brought tears to my eyes… I never heard your voice but the “voice over ” went off in my head… This is exactly how my first love made me feel, SAFE!!! He knew I was independent but I could see it in his eyes when that masculine feminine energy was balanced. I was in a relationship ( I guess, lol ) and I was more masculine than he was as far as taking care of things…. At the beginning I was more feminine but as years went by, my independence backfired… This guy used to make me feel safe, then the tables turned and to be honest I really don’t know how and when. I was completely blind sided. I didn’t like the feeling on any level. It reminded me of when I was a kid and I had to watch my mother do everything while my father laid on his ass and did nothing. My mother was both, my mother and my father. I grew up always taking care of myself and when she passed away when I was young, I really went into that , fending for myself mode. I had to get a job and I was only a freshman in H.S.

    I wondered why my father could not be a man and take care of his wife and kids. Therefore, when I got older I never looked at men as providers and never felt safe with them to take care of anything. The men I met, loved the fact that I was independent, but still I wanted them to be men and let me know they had my back if I needed them. The guy I was with. He felt safe and taken cared of but I didn’t. He neglected me on so many levels, the whole time I was with this man, I never felt safe to cry in front of him because I knew he would not comfort me. I got so exhausted of being strong all the time. When all I wanted was a man to hold me and let me know, he got this, the way my first love did. As I got older, I just kept meeting men that any sign of a me being vulnerable, they would be absent until things picked up on my end. I didn’t want to be left alone. When these men were going through something, they knew they could confide in me and that I would be there for them.

    Whenever I see that I can not rely on a man to be there for me, if and when I need him, I end it. My last relationship should have not lasted as long as it did, off and on but I know I had to learn my lessons from it…. moving forward and I’m grateful for the fact that I did not have to date a lot of men and that I learned from very few…. I know needy women, who act helpless and even some men and it is a turn off. My father is that way and he’s in his 60s.. he expects a woman to do everything and I mean everything….but that’s another story… it’s great that a woman can take care of herself, I’m glad I can but I also need that masculine energy in my life. I can’t be the man in the relationship…. I don’t want to lead, I’m tired of leading….I remember a few times when I went out dancing and the guys would said to me” Let me lead” and it was nice for them to say that. That take charge attitude was sexy… I’m just very spontaneous. When I want to dance, and If I see a nice guy I’ll walk over to him and take his hand or ask him to dance with me and I just do it to have fun. I just got tired of men not asking me to dance, men don’t like rejection so I’d figured I’d make it easy on them, lol but I stopped that a long time ago.

    I wish the very times I wasn’t feeling well, that my ex would have said I got this instead of just sitting there or sleeping or not being there at all. I shouldn’t have had to make my own food when I wasn’t well. When there was a man in the house and he could clearly see I wasn’t well… When he was sick. I cooked and did all I could. I was nursing.. When I notice he didn’t eat all day, I would make something….but if I didn’t eat all day, he would just let me sleep and never do anything….. Funny how when you dump someone they want to talk about all the things you did for them and what they want to do for you now. Sorry, to late. I realize I had a man-child…. When a man makes a woman feel good that he got this…that’s a prelude to foreplay and making love. (of course in a monogamous relationship-companionship)….A woman can trust a man that make her feel safe, to make love to her mind, body and soul.

  • “When I embrace her I feel strong in my body, masterful even, as though I’m living my purpose by wrapping her up safe and protected within my steady arms.” YES!!!!! I love hearing from a man’s point of view what the experience is like for him! I hope this is how most men feel…seems natural.

  • This is what is wrong with me. I’m the provider and protector in my family. I spent a decade as a single mom of four boys before I met my husband. In our wedding pictures in which we are facing each other and holding hands, my hands are on the outside. I am holding HIS large hands in MY tiny ones. I have never embraced a man to feel safe in his arms; I’M the one who keeps others safe. I did not realize until I read this article that this is what is tearing us apart.

    • thanks for clarifying this for me. I am in the same position. Has he stopped working yet? Watch out — he likely will. Mine is going on 10 years. He wont start again.

  • from my woman perspective I’d say: “I’m here” is sexiest, particularly if you just do it.
    “I got this” is great and will come across as patronising if it comes from a slightly you poor thing, I’ll rescue you kind of place – be careful on that one, again just doing it best!

    Uma

  • Love this. We’re taught to do everything alone, often to the point where we can be conditioned to dispose of our natural state to be gifted this wonderful energy of strength (ex. – the old “holding the door open for me is offensive because I’m a woman” argument). It’s so great when we can just be comfortable enough to recognize when each other needs to be treated. As a woman, I love it when a guy steps up, and I recognize when it comes my turn to do the same in my own way for him, it won’t be a burden. It will be a pleasure. Nicely written sir 🙂

  • Beautiful piece; and it certainly rings true for me. Over the course of an almost 20 year, ultimately failed marriage, I had to do it all myself. Then when I let it go and was really on my own I just carried on. In my new relationship one of the first things that stood out the most to me was that anytime I was melting down, or frustrated, or had a ton of things to do and didn’t know where to start the first words out of my new man’s mouth were “How can I help?” Every time. It blew me away. I am almost a year and a half into this new relationship and he still does it. Every time. As I read this piece I felt tears welling up in my eyes because that feeling of being taken care of is precious. It makes me feel safe and loved and wanting to reciprocate that feeling for him when he needs it. I am perfectly capable of doing it all and he is well aware of it. But he loves me and wants to ease my burdens; make me well aware that I am NOT on my own, but have someone to help bear the load by my side. That is incredibly desirable and makes me feel so close to him.

  • looks like you went down the romance novel section, desperate for content, then picked out the neares book and wrote something.
    This is female porn, bro. 20 years into a marriage, how you think this is going to play out?
    him: “I got this”
    her: “then get it already you fucking tired fat balding jerk….I’m sick of you saying that every time”.

    whoever’s paying you should get their money back.

  • From another males perspective, I completely understand one can become conditioned to believe a woman can do it all and growing in a single famliy home I seen it in action.
    On the other hand I’ve also seen when she couldn’t do it all and had to ask for assistance alone the way.
    I too have done the same and let her handle her own but, not to say that she can’t do it on her own and not try to take away her power, I see things differently now, it’s not about that, it’s seems to be about being there with her for her together so we don’t have to be the super man or super woman. I will take this in practice for the next lady that I meet along with the other things I’ve learned over the years…
    Sorry for the bad grammar, I did the best I could haha
    Thanks, Russell…

  • After 23 years with my ex who left me, I was told by him he would help me only if I asked. So what did I do? I did most stuff myself. Why? Because I didn’t want to ask for help from the person who was supposed to be my partner. A partnership is about working together. So I did most things myself over the years and became resentful.

    Now I continue to do things myself. I have 2 sons who participate in household chores so they can learn and understand how important it is to take part in caring for a home. So they can learn responsibility.

    In the future perhaps I’ll meet someone who appreciates what I do and also works with me not because I asked but because he sees the value in working together.

  • Wow Bryan! I love this, the words and how I feel when reading them, and your insights about your growth. Being an ‘independent spirit’ all my life doesn’t negate how much I would absorb, osmose and inhale a man who would say those words and mean them. Susie

  • Bryan, I think that is the thing that many women would appreciate. Many of us have been taught our entire lives to not only be independent and capable, but also to take care of all of those that are in our sphere. Sometimes to our exhaustion. I’m divorced and have 4 children, but even in my marriage, my ex-husband rarely even acted out the “I got this” even when he didn’t say it – especially as our marriage fell further and further into its destruction. There were many reasons that our marriage fell apart, but if there had been some instances of “I got this” and I wasn’t the one making the dinner reservations, and whatever other planning needs, I can at least fantasize it would have helped some. Because right now, I would appreciate greatly anyone who looked at me, took a decision or activity out of my hands, and told me “I got this.”

  • I watched your video explaining those three sexiest words and as soon as they left your lips I swooned. You couldn’t be more right. Anders Osborne’s “I Got Your Heart” speaks of the same thing. Thank you Bryan 🙂

  • Yes. 100 times yes. My husband and I are separating. I’m the sole breadwinner in our family. I’ve never once experienced what it would feel like for him to say “I got this” about anything in our life, and me actually have confidence that he will follow through and deliver. It’s exhausting. This is such a good explanation.

  • This is so refreshing! In a society that pushes and screams feminism, I often feel ‘wrong’ for wanting to be the ‘protector’, ‘provider’, hell, for just being a man, and feeling and living from my masculine energy!! To be able to say “I got this!” and not be told to sit down, and let ‘her’ do it, even from my partner. (We’re getting divorced) (Oh to find a woman who accepts and appreciates my masculinity!)

    You communicated this so clear. “Women are equal to men in terms of inherent human worth and value. They should have every legal right that any man has.” I’ve done hard work in raising two daughters to be strong, wise, and self sufficient!! Raising them to know and believe they are equal to everyone, less than no one. Yet still feminine, and to appreciate the masculine in their partners, present and future.

    Masculine and Feminine are different and have unique needs, and society has failed many, miserably, in teaching that.

    doG Damn, I am a man who wants to live in the fullness of his masculine energy, fully offering myself to a woman who appreciates it!

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