Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her) (027)


Why is intimate relationship uniquely so challenging? 

Do you still think relationship should just be easy, and flow effortlessly?

What does it actually look like to choose (or reject) your intimate partner everyday?


In this episode, I dive into my  blog, Choose Her Everyday (or Leave Her), the blog that back in 2015 changed everything for me, and millions of people around the world. 

That blog has been read by 30 million plus people, and counting … in every country except North Korea, as far as I can tell … to this day, I still get messages from people who tell me that blog changed how they see intimate relationship. Relationships, families even, have been saved because of that article … relationships have also ended because of it … because either one partner finally realized they weren’t ever going to be truly chosen by their partner, or the other got deeply clear they had no intention of stepping up and actively choosing their partner … and so they discovered it was best to end the relationship altogether. 

In my work with couples – I’m both a Life Coach, and a Relationship Coach, and I work with individual men, and women, and I also work with couples, of all sexual orientations – and when I work with couples, specifically, I don’t go into the work with an agenda of trying to keep them together. I love it when a couple makes even small shifts in the way they show up, when they begin to learn the art of masculine and feminine intimacy, for example, and stop competing to be right over the facts, or details, and instead learn to connect first, no matter the disagreement over details, and suddenly their relationship takes on a more effortless flow to it they didn’t even imagine possible just a few days or weeks before. But I also don’t believe a couple should stay together if even one partner isn’t willing to really lean in and do the often uncomfortable work of self-confrontation it essentially ALWAYS requires to create a thriving relationship. 

My parents divorced when I was 4 … and as painful as it was … THANK GOD they did! In retrospect, I don’t believe that between them they had the capacity – or inclination – to really learn and grow by facing each their own unique limitations to loving, and their lack of skillful communication. Thank god they only subjected me to 4 years of relationship dysfunction and not 18 years!

I wrote Choose Her Everyday or Leave Her, 5 or 6 years after the most important relationship in my life, at least until then, ended. That relationship was emotionally intense, abusive, chaotic … a lot like how I remember my parents’ relationship in those first 4 years of my life. 

I actually write more about that heart-wrneching experience in my book, “Tell The Truth, Let The Peace Fall Where It May

 … which you can find on Amazon.

I didn’t know the effect it would have on people. The week it went viral in the summer of 2015 – which by the way, was about 3 months AFTER I actually wrote and published it – I felt like I owned Facebook. It was everywhere. It even played a fascinating role in bringing Lady Silvy to me, whom I met the same week it went viral. But that story for another time.

In this episode, I revisit this epic blog that still seems to sing a resonant chord in the heart of humanity.

Definitely stay tuned for my 3 Key Takeaway’s at the end of this episode of Men, This Way … 

Alright … 

Let’s dive …

SHOW NOTES

“Conflict to Connection” 90-Day Couples Program

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