♦◊♦ My dear proud brother, I know why you’ve always struggled to truly, fully love every woman you’ve ever wanted to truly, fully love. I know why every romance you ever indulged in for more than a sweet, fleeting moment soon threatened to overwhelm you. I know why you still sometimes feel the urge to
Men – or more correctly, the more masculine partner in a relationship, which could be a woman – consistently make one major mistake in every relationship argument: We engage our partner at the “level of the complaint.” We completely miss what our partner really needs to hear from us. Address this and own your partner
♦◊♦ A man recently told me that his wife said she doesn’t feel connected to him. When she said it, he looked around, quickly noticed they were both physically in the same room talking to each other, and exclaimed with frustration drenching his words, “What the f**k are you talking about? I’m right here!” She didn’t feel connected to
I spent 5 years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her. I wanted to choose her. But I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me.
Apologies are easy. It’s swallowing that jagged little pill of pride that’s hard. A genuine apology (with no sneaky agenda) can transform the dynamic in any relationship from a charged adversarial stand-off into the elegant dance of partnership. A wonderful karma-fixer, an apology can avert years of upset and disconnection. Too often, though, excuses deny
♦◊♦ We are deeply disoriented. Our intimate relationships routinely fluctuate between ecstatic and infuriating. We mostly don’t want to live without an intimate partner, yet we can’t seem to learn how to really love one either. We are stuck in a perpetual uncertainty between hope and hopelessness, like monkeys with our hands caught in a
♦◊♦ Have you ever puzzled over who should pay for dinner on a first date? Back when I was living mostly in the land of 50/50 love, what author David Deida called Stage 2 Intimacy, I wanted my romantic dates to at least pretend they were willing to foot half the dinner bill. Especially on
♦◊♦ I’m a huge fan of disillusionment. Having an illusion ripped away from us can be profoundly liberating. Dorothy had to discover the Wizard of Oz was just a conman before she could discover she already had the power to get herself home. When it comes to love, disillusionment is essential, if also profoundly painful.
♦◊♦ I recently experienced the most beautiful breakup. It happened inside a tiny bathroom in a rental cabin my girlfriend (now ex) and I were staying in near Tahoe, California. Well into a severe drought, this normally thriving winter playground had little snow. Which could be a metaphor for our relationship, because it had stopped
♦◊♦ Have you ever been in a relationship where the sex was amazing, but most everything else sucked? You know … as long as you were physically stuck together, everything was great. Meanwhile outside the bedroom you couldn’t agree on much (unless it was to have sex outside the bedroom). I broiled in the fire