Does Your Partner Feel Safe With You?

Your partner is always telling you either …

I feel safe with you” … or

I do not feel safe with you.

Learning to hear what they’re really saying can change everything for both of you!

♦◊♦

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  • Loved it! Very useful for both the masculine and feminine roles. As the Feminine, I could use the language of “I feel safe/not safe when…” to communicate from my compassionate heart. Very good tool. You rock.

  • Thank you. You nailed it, you described my experience perfectly. I have a good relationship with a great guy, but… but, while I am pretty sure he is not cheating on me, I do think he flirts a lot. He has tons of women friends, he looks, he flirts, he “reaches out” and “connects” with lots of women all the time. I am afraid to share this video with him because I think he will get defensive, irritated, and I can just hear him now saying “Geez they’re just friends!” … and he gets annoyed with me for being jealous. Of course my “jealousy” is fear, is feeling emotionally unsafe, is wondering if I’m “good enough” for him then why does he still need to share all this attention and affection with all these other women. He feels like my jealousy is just my problem, that I just need more self-confidence, but I think I wouldn’t feel jealous so often he wasn’t flirting so often. It’s a delicate situation, because I don’t want to sabotage an otherwise good relationship….

    • I truly hope things work out for you as they are meant to, and you find peace and true happiness. I’ve been in your shoes and its very, very stressful and it makes you feel so insecure whether you’re an insecure type of person or not! I had all the confidence in the world until my husband starting behaving in the same manner as your partner. I hated being told I was ‘paranoid’ & ‘imagining things’ 24/7. Come to find out, my gut was right on 100%. Our instincts usually are!! Good luck sweetie, I hope everything works out in your favor! ?

    • Kim, this is huge what you’re pointing at. I’m gonna take this on and do a video or something because this is a BIG ONE, one I’ve been guilty of in my relatiomships in the past in the name of “freedom” … and I see it now so differently. I understand BOTH of you, and I get how your boyfriend is in a sense “cheating” on you, if only by consistently, intimately, if not sexual-physically, offering his masculine presence to other women. So I get it. And I get why he doesn’t. I’ll elaborate on this more in a future video/blog. Sign up here if you want to be sure to receive that! Thnks for the inspiration on this. It’s a big one!

      • Yes and thank you. And thanks for the phrase and concept of “offering his masculine presence to other women.” It is more complicated when a partner is not physically/sexually cheating, but is emotionally and spiritually intimate with others. I can see both sides too, as you put it in a recent post, we each have a masculine side which values freedom and a feminine side which values connection. Part of me gets that the beauty and richness of life is having lots of love and many close friends, while at the same time another part of me feels unsure, unsafe, about his closeness with other women. I suppose it comes down to his motives and intentions, which I can’t really know. …. thanks, Kim (akimbo11, yes I signed up, thanks)

  • Hi BrYan…..I recently spoke with you on a webinaar….I could sense when listening to replay …i had been through heartache and pain…who hasn’t sure…..I was wondering if you could write something about players on line and how to deal with them…just had been caught up in exactly what you speaking of….I actually expressed the words i am scared and go slow ..i could have maybe said i do not feel safe…..i felt i was made to feel i was wrong….so i am really with you on what you shared….could you maybe do something also on what makes a good profile on line for women …tips for dos and don’ts…..i do like listening to your little video clips…..you do a great job BrYan…..thanks for your time and look forward to the summit where you are on…..and how long do we have to listen to each video….keep on shining in your work BrYan…..:) Cheer from Lorraine in Tasmania

  • Love the clarity in the video ! Thank you, Bryan, for teaching us !
    I had not experienced a safe relationship with men as a child (not my fault), and start attracting the “childhood pattern of not being safe around men -and take over in the masculine side” in my adulthood in romatic relationships.
    I mainly thought “it was my fault again that I don´t feel safe in certain situation, that I have these “too high standards” and I kept compensating the need for safety by stepping into my masculine energy, esp. in the relationship with my ex. Funny thing is that I don´t remember I would have done it in an excessive way before (so it is not “who I am” originally”). The ex triggered the button. The ex told me that ” I want too much safety” when I started to ask what are his plans for the future of us as a couple (I was around 30 and felt that having children now is a “natural” thing). I kind of understood this as ” I must work hard on making myself safe, not asking him”, ” I must take it all in and be patient, patient, kind, compassionate, waiting”.
    During the time with this guy, I started losing my sleep.
    When I managed to leave after almost 4 years, I became chronically sick. Probably a very much result of me being in the masculine and constant search for making me feel safe, a reverse energetical approach. It was a highy-paid lesson !
    I can acknowledge that my ex did not feel safe with me either -he was not planning to stay in a commited relationship with me and my needs, desires made him unsafe (he was safe until I was ok with the way he treated me-but this was actually not safe for me). I was not listening to him -what he is broadcasting to me about his life style, his reality. It took me long time until I understood that such a situation is unsafe for any woman, not only “my problem”. Staying in such a situation is not wise for women´s body health.

    • I shall add that this guy was not a clueless, good guy, but a sort of manipulator-bad guy, and all my unsafety around him was more deeper stuff than only “he does not want to commit”…however I see today, that the too much feminine guy can make me unsafe any way, no matter whether is is “only” clueless, or on purpose with lies. I learned this principal in a hard way, very palpable -never will step into this again 🙂

    • Hi Kristina,
      I share the feeling of ‘having too high standards’, starting to doubt yourself. I thought that I was asking for safety because I was not able to provide it to myself. Of course there is a truth in that, I HAVE to take care of myself but it is not strange to long for your needs met in a relationship. Not every act comes from a disturbed childhood or old wounds, we are having relationships now and we need things, which doesn’t necessarily mean ‘being needy’.

  • I feel that every time I watch one of your video’s it is speaking directly to me. I love my significant other but his actions and words aren’t lining up lately and that’s scary because I don’t always feel safe. He and I are both very independent people, though, so its hard for me to communicate that in a way that won’t make me feel like…less, for lack of a better word. Anyways I just want to thank you for putting words to my confusion once again.

  • Bryan, this is insightful and was a huge “aha” for me regarding my marriage and other relationships in which I didn’t feel safe. I understood at a certain point that I didn’t feel safe but didn’t understand until just now why I reacted or behaved the the way I did in response…from my masculine to try to create safety for myself, which just caused more disconnection. I also understand that some of my partners haven’t felt safe with me either when I was living more unconsciously. Thank you! I would like to be authentic enough in a conscious relationship to be able to say “I’m not feeling safe right now” if I’m not and have us both work consciously toward creating safety, and vice versa. Thank you for being a guide on my journey toward greater awareness and conscious relationship. 🙂

  • Since I am only now (after two marriages and two children) learning to be in my feminine and starting to evolve to become a great partner to a confident masculine man, I realised listening to your video that it is so easy to push me into my masculine. I feel as if I am a snail peeking out of my shell, and the moment anything “unsafe” touches me, I am back into my shell with lightning speed! This information also resonates with trusting one’s instincts and finally the magnificent Universe, and definitely the skill of communicating appropriately to the partner the feeling of “unsafety”! Thank you for this good insight, Bryan!

  • I can’t wait to see that blog abut what Kim mentioned. I can’t understand my boyfriend’s need to flirt, mingle, provide such huge presence space for all these women. He even enjoys to mention it to me, but becomes irritated if I make any comment which makes him feel as if I don’t trust him. I don’t feel safe, and I would like to know if that’s enough of a sign to leave, or should I stay and “work on it”?
    But…work on what? My selfconfidence? Or his? Or talk about it? Or leave?

    • Yes, I “get” what Anita is saying and feeling…. In my case I want it to work out. So, for now, I don’t even feel safe enough to really discuss it with him. Wow, I have a lot of work to do and a long way to go… and maybe he does too but he may not see or admit that… Honest healthy communication and creating an emotionally safe space… are still the goals….

  • Bryyyaaan! Help us here 🙂
    Should we take the lack of trust as a red flag in front of our nose, or is there something we can do about it? Generally, I don’t recognize when it’s time to leave.
    Men incline to tell you what they think you might want to hear, in order to avoid any further discussion. How can I choose him again? I chose him, and then I withdrew a bit, after few distrustful sequences. Now, I’m somewhere in between – that’s exhausting. and I’m not sure he chose me. It seems to me there’s so much I can’t see, I don’t know, cause he wants it to stay this way.

  • Thank you Thank you Thank you… This made so much sense. I’ve never been able to explain what I meant by saying “I don’t feel safe”. This really resonated with me.

  • Bryan,
    Thank you so much for all that you do and help with! I’ve been listening/reading and following your relationship advice now for several years, and then passing it on to my then boyfriend, now husband! You are always sooo spot on in our relationship, it’s kinda scary yet enlightening to know that there are others out there, that struggle as hard as I/we do in our personal relationships. I’ve almost left the relationship, just because he doesn’t seem to get it, and then I get an email from you and it all makes perfect non-perfect sense! It is real and a harsh struggle when you really love someone but they have no clue as how to love you, even though they say the words! Thank you……you keep me going, even when I don’t feel safe, when I’m not understood, and not feeling loved!!

  • Finally….a simple explanation to the theory of “emasculation”. If a woman doesn’t feel safe, she jumps into taking care of herself which looks like masculine energy, which it is but I venture to guess, that’s not where she wishes to be. When a woman feels safe, she is able to concentrate on being her best sexy self. Thank you Bryan…….so GREAT.

  • This is wonderful, Bryan. I like when you said that the masculine partner just has to ask himself what does my partner need to feel safe, and that internal inquiry alone will help loosen his lover up. That’s wonderful, because it’s not always about WORDS, it’s about the energy and the intention that speaks much louder and deeper to the subconscious. What’s the flip side of this? What does the feminine partner need to do for her lover and what can she ask herself to check in and make sure he feels the masculine equivalent to her safety?

  • Always love your videos and your insights!! This would for sure be a number one priority as a feminine woman. If I’m not feeling safe, I will pull in, with hold my gift of love and caring and support and affirmation, not intentionally to get even, but because it’s energetically draining to have to do all of that on top off feeling safe in an unsafe relationship. I’ve been in a relationship like that. Now I’m starting and moving forward in a relationship that is oh so different, and I’m oh so grateful. Keep sharing, keep inspiring<3

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