How to Shift from Anger to Love w/ Preston Smiles (008)

What is this thing called LOVE … really all about?

How do you know when you’re being genuinely loving … versus just being an arrogant self-righteous ass? 

Also, do men, CAN men, actually have NEEDS in a relationship? If so, why do we so often fail to own them?

In the last few years, Preston Smiles’ global presence has exploded, as both he and his wife, Alexi Panos, have become social media darling superstars thanks to the vibrant and colorful messages of love and healing they share with millions of people all over the world through their inspiring books, workshops, videos, and more.

Although we’ve met a number of times – actually, my fiance, Silvy Khoucasian, knew Preston personally long before she and I met – this is the first time we’ve been able to have a substantial conversation.

And I wanted to have a substantial conversation and get REAL with Preston about what is LOVE. After all, he’s a self-proclaimed “Messenger of Love.”

But I’ve personally had a few awful experiences with other so-called “messengers of love,” and seen firsthand it’s way too easy to justify treating people terribly when you believe what you’re doing, you’re doing out of love.

Like a parent who beats their child thinking it’s for the kid’s own good. Or a partner who criticizes you thinking they’re just trying to make you a better person.

Where’s the distinction between love and abuse?

So Preston and I talk about what it looks like to LIVE with a big-view spiritual perspective of oneness and connection and everything is Love … while simultaneously understanding and embracing our HUMANNESS, which means recognizing how we can hurt people, and some things we can do to prevent ourselves from merely perpetuating more hurt and pain.

Actually, I really appreciate Preston’s candor in today’s conversation about how he struggles to be present with his partner when his brain has just flipped into fight or flight mode – in his case fight mode – when he’s just heard some perceived criticism of his character.

That’s a big one for me, too, and if you’ve ever experienced that, definitely listen to the end of this podcast. Because we give you some practices you can do to get yourself out of that threat mode, so fights end faster, and you get back to simply LOVING each other again.

And stay tuned for Preston’s 5 Key Takeaways at the end. I especially liked the key practice he recommends for the next 7 days.

Alright … let’s dive


12:31 ~ What does “Amplifying Love” mean?
15:06 ~ Knowing when you are being a presence of love (vs. an arrogant ass)
17:55 ~ The distinction between the spiritual and human aspects of love
19:58 ~ Addressing men’s programming
22:17 ~ Depictions of relationship in media
22:41 ~ “Power with” versus “power over”
26:24 ~ Being in fight-or-flight mode and how to handle it
32:06 ~ Changing your state
37:16 ~ Considering life’s seasons in relationships
40:06 ~ The biggest challenge facing men in the world today


42:33 ~ KEY INSIGHT:
Success is sequential not simultaneous
Michael Beckwith (Author, Minister)
Bob Marley (Musician)
Preston Smiles
45:51 ~ KEY RESOURCE (most impactful, inspiring book, movie, podcast):
“The One Thing” by Gary Keller (Book)
“Conversations with God” (Book One, Two, and Three) by Neale Donald Walsch (Book)
“The 10X Rule: The Only Difference Between Success and Failure” by Grant Cardone (Book)
The Bridge Experience ( – Workshops presented by Preston Smiles and Alexi Panos
47:12 ~ KEY INVESTMENT (the best thing you spent money on, under $10,000):
Hiring an integrator (or an assistant … someone who can do all the businessy-things you don’t want to do!)
BOOK: “Rocket Fuel: The One Essential Combination That Will Get You More of What You Want from Your Business” by
Gino Wickman and Mark C. Winters (Book)
48:46 ~ KEY PRACTICE (7-day challenge to the men listening):



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  • Phenomenal episode! Man, I really hope Preston and Bryan do that 3 hr podcast workshop they discussed! That would be a true gamechanger!

    • Durand thank you so much for saying so; I really appreciate it … and yes I very much intend to have Preston back on here to dive even deeper into some of the things we explored.

  • Absolutely amazing – sharing this one for sure with the one truly magnificent man I know. Thank you so very much for the outstanding speakers you bring to the world via your one-of-a-kind, best-ever podcast.

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