Women are not defective Men (and vice versa)

January 7, 2014

sleeping women wake


Life is blowing my mind right now … over something remarkably silly. But bear with me. This gets reeeeally good.

In all my years of intense (and sometimes tortured) exploring how to live passionately and truly feel my life, I’ve essentially ignored one fundamental aspect of living. It’s so basic and obvious that … well, as my appreciation for its implications really sink in, I just don’t know how I missed it all these years. I see it everywhere now. It’s like learning to read after a lifetime of illiteracy; I can no longer NOT read the signs.

Ok, this is almost embarrassing to say, but here’s the insight … I’m a Man.

More to the point … I am a Masculine Man.

I told you.

You’d think that growing up with three sisters and two mothers, I would have developed a deep appreciation for the implications of this insight. But no. Not really. Watching my strong mothers hold my two families together, I could clearly see that women needed to own their rightful place in our world alongside man, not beneath him. That’s pretty much where my awareness hit a mirrored glass ceiling.

Honestly, I never though this fact was all that interesting. Yeah, I’m a man. So what?

I’ll explain why this matters more than almost anything else I’ve ever been made aware of. It will sooner or later blow your mind, too (if it hasn’t already), if you jump down this rabbit hole with me.

Take racism, for example. I’ve always known I couldn’t truly appreciate the real effects of racism on a person. I’m white; my skin color mostly rules the world. I don’t directly feel the effects of racism any more than I feel the tidal effects of the moon. I can see the water go in and out at the beach; but the only time the tides seem to directly affect me is when I gotta get my boat through a canal during high tide … and I’ve never owned a boat. In other words, because I’m white, racism is mostly an intellectual exercise for me; one that Life hasn’t forced me to spend much time considering (although I certainly have, but still, mostly as an intellectual exercise).

Likewise, being a masculine man in a world overwhelmingly ruled by masculine energy has kept me cloaked in the comforting ignorance of the privileged. Man lives atop the social hierarchy (especially white man). The only thing that’s ever forced me to consider that there might be something other than being a man is being in difficult intimate relationships with feminine women. Even then, I just figured these women were merely more emotional and confusing versions of me … in other words, defective clones of men.

“If I could only show her the obvious error of her ways,” I would reason to myself (and often to her), “then everything would work great between us.”

Holy shit was I clueless!!


it's me realizing you're terrible


The Masculine essence and the Feminine essence are completely opposite expressions of Life energy. They move through space differently, think differently, connect differently, hear differently, make love differently (I sure don’t yearn to be penetrated), communicate differently (fewer words, please!).

Our relationships – our entire lives – get all tangled up because we completely overlook this basic reality.

Women have been led to believe that men are just emotionally defective women with penises.

Men have been led to believe that women are just intellectually defective men with vaginas.

As a result, so many of us are confused, resistant, angry, lost or even resigned to a cynicism beyond hope. Once we understand that the Masculine essence and Feminine essence each want something very different from the other, exciting new possibilities arise. Sure, we all want love and connection. But the way we go about that wanting it, and so much else about our natures, is vastly different.

My blog has always been about the miraculous journey to reclaim awareness of our brilliance as Conscious Stardust ground into Earth and magically come alive! It will continue to be.

Life just threw a powerful switch that thundered 10,000 volts of crackling lightning electricity into my spirit, compelling me to turn my awareness towards the enigmatic masculine-feminine dynamic of our humanity … and to finally fully own that I’m a Man with a capital fucking M!!

After years of making all the stupid life mistakes that the ignorant make, I want to explore what it really means to be a strong, authentic Man … and an authentic Woman, profound and deliciously wild like the ocean. And everything in between and beyond.

I want to explore what can happen when Strong Man and Wild Woman meet in Conscious Relationship, open-heart to open-heart, and fire-dance together in Rumi’s magical field just beyond rightdoing and wrongdoing.

This is not merely about hetero-sexuality. As the world before me transforms in light of this new awareness, I believe our labels of gay, straight, bi-sexual are woefully inadequate. Like the drop of yin buried within the yang, and the drop of yang buried within the yin, even masculine men are infused with feminine essence, and vice versa.

What does it look like to integrate those feminine and masculine essences in our very own being?

This is the journey I am on. These are the questions I will explore. I feel as though I have just climbed Mount Everest, and here at the summit I merely find myself at the foot of Mount Olympus.

This year, 2014, is officially My Year of Mastery. 

For the last 20 years, I have been a man who did not know where to find his balls. I did not even know they were missing. I have repeatedly chosen strong feminine women as ignorant as I, who I subconsciously knew would find my missing balls and then beat them, kick them, stomp on and stab at them without mercy or apology … but only to help me find them, too.

I believe I’ve found them. It’s time to master how to use them.

This year, whether you’re a Masculine Man whose lost or just disoriented along his way, a Feminine Woman tired of wearing prosthetic balls just to survive in a man’s world, or some other combination of sex, sexuality and self-awareness, my sincere hope is that this blog will continue to serve you well on your own magical journey home to your Truest Self.

“Relationship magnify human experience.”
~ Tony Robbins

If you haven’t already, SUBSCRIBE NOW and join me on this exhilarating journey.

p.s. thanks to Kelly Marceau’s recent brilliant blog for some of these images.

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  • If you have not looked at Michael Gurian’s work, you should. He explores the biological underpinnings of the male brain and female brain. “What Could He Be Thinking” taught me a lot!

  • Omg, I just want to give you a great big hug! I’m an..apparently VERY feminine woman who finally tossed her prosthetic balls in the trash and am amazed at what I was expressing about my true self. I see my journey reflected in yours and I am so filled with joy!! Xoxo amazing job.

  • I was already following you but, thanks to the link in your latest entry, discovered this. I will be taking the time to read all your posts – so enlightening, honest and authentic. I love this!

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