Men – or more correctly, the more masculine partner in a relationship, which could be a woman – consistently make one major mistake in every relationship argument: We engage our partner at the “level of the complaint.” We completely miss what our partner really needs to hear from us. Address this and own your partner
On my recent glorious road-trip back to Los Angeles from Idaho (where I was on writing retreat to finish my book, “Tell The Truth, Let The Peace Fall Where It May,” coming this Fall), I pulled over during a gorgeous sunset to record this video about what it means to CHOOSE LOVE over fear, CHOOSE
It always fascinates me how much capacity for suffering us silly human beings have. We unnecessarily put up with so much inappropriate and immature behavior from each other, that it’s no wonder our intimate relationships are so stressed! In this video, I share a simple mantra you can use to help you get out of a bad romantic situation,
♦◊♦ I still sometimes say “yes” when I deeply want to say “no” (and vice versa) … and then resent others/life for my choices. I still sometimes walk paths that feel heavy because logic says this will get me the love, validation, etc. I want … which is mostly always wrong. I’ve been taught that
♦◊♦ Just over three years ago, in 2012, I was living with 5 people in a small home in Los Angeles that I would have been embarrassed to invite you into. I was 38 and sleeping on an air mattress in a tiny upstairs bedroom surrounded by Goodwill furniture and scratched up walls. I was
♦◊♦ A man recently told me that his wife said she doesn’t feel connected to him. When she said it, he looked around, quickly noticed they were both physically in the same room talking to each other, and exclaimed with frustration drenching his words, “What the f**k are you talking about? I’m right here!” She didn’t feel connected to
I spent 5 years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her. I wanted to choose her. But I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me.
Apologies are easy. It’s swallowing that jagged little pill of pride that’s hard. A genuine apology (with no sneaky agenda) can transform the dynamic in any relationship from a charged adversarial stand-off into the elegant dance of partnership. A wonderful karma-fixer, an apology can avert years of upset and disconnection. Too often, though, excuses deny
♦◊♦ We are deeply disoriented. Our intimate relationships routinely fluctuate between ecstatic and infuriating. We mostly don’t want to live without an intimate partner, yet we can’t seem to learn how to really love one either. We are stuck in a perpetual uncertainty between hope and hopelessness, like monkeys with our hands caught in a
♦◊♦ Have you ever puzzled over who should pay for dinner on a first date? Back when I was living mostly in the land of 50/50 love, what author David Deida called Stage 2 Intimacy, I wanted my romantic dates to at least pretend they were willing to foot half the dinner bill. Especially on